"People say that we are crazy when we smile alone with no reason! But they never know that it’s the real smile with sweetest reason with someone in mind!!!"
This isn’t my lines, it’s just a forward that I liked…and to just start off with…
This post is about my life its changeover n my experiences …Especially my first love!!Hope I can translate it well...
It all started from my close friend junaid. We have been best buddies since 8th .My second year in college, one day he called me…
“Dude, I have a friend in your college and I need you to give her a gift on my behalf for her Birthday...”
I was surprised hearing he having a friend that too a girl in my college and I haven’t even known about her. To be frank I haven’t studied with girls so when I heard he having a friend, I was a bit heated.
After this conversation it took me weeks to call her and talk. You know why!!
And finally I called her…
“This is vinod here a friend of junaid and he has given me a gift to give you. When should I give it to you?”
On the other side a silence and after a deep breath… ya any day you can give it.
I told ok and the next question was …no one would ever expect on their first talk…
“Hey monkey why the hell you have this much head weight and why is your face so serious?” [Sound of teeth grinding]
I was shocked and was jammed for a sec.even in my dreams I have never expected this.
“I… I… I… don’t know, I think I don’t have any of the characteristics which you told.”
And then the second question was…
“Do you smoke??Your lips are black…”
That was the second shocking question. Would anyone expect these questions in their first talk with a person…?
I told nope. They are naturally black and many have asked me the same question.
I didn’t think talking to a girl was so hard. And that conversation longed about 15min and hung up the phone with a sigh. That was the day I wouldn’t forget and didn’t even think I would fall in love with this girl.
After hanging up the phone, I was in front of the mirror checking my lips. As she said it was black, I was angry with my mom for making my skin fair. She should have eaten something while pregnant that would have made me fair. And you wouldn’t even think that my skin tone is gonna be crucial in coming days.
Next day to college I got up early morning I applied some Vaseline on my lips so that at least it won’t be very black. I wished if I had a lipstick ‘he-he’ I know that would be embarrassing but I really wish…
First time I am gonna see her. I was a bit tensed but managed to cover it up. She told me to come to the library. Never in my college life have I gone to that place. I have a unique allergic reaction to the smell of library and I feel like I am in another universe!!!
She was with a friend in blue chudi, white and eyes lined with eye liner and she smelled great. Quite impressive she was… I passed the gift. I was getting dehydrated and tensed. I am talking to a girl after a long time. The drama was only for few minutes.
The drama was only for few minutes have significance because my college was blessed with forward-thinking management and staffs. We had an HOD called Rangaswamy whose daughter eloped with a boy long back and showed his frustration on the students. He has a spy in the canteen and all over college to stop ragging… oops, not ragging… to stop boys and girls talking to each other.
He strongly believed that if a girl talks to a boy, they move to step 2. I think all here knows what it means!!! He even thinks that the girl gets pregnant just by talking to a boy. He even shared his so called feeling to many innocent students. He even taught them that there is no relationship other than s-x between boys and girls!!!
So I think you got a better idea about my college…
Then we became friends and started talking through phone. I liked her innocence, childishness, openness, boldness …she was different from all girls out there. She didn’t act much and she was real. I started adoring her.
My next mission was to impress her. As I am new to this I had to think tons. Once she asked me to tell about my school days. That was the starting of changes...i had lots of memories with my awesome buddies Janish and Junaid. I shared all those with her with a bit comic mixed.
Actually my days with my buddies were total disaster. We jumped into many situations with many idiocies and the way we managed it... She liked it. My stories made her laugh a lot and started taking me as her good friend. She often told that she always wanted a friend a bit freaky, lively and a lot of happenings. I managed to accomplish that…
Then I started searching for her in college because I wanted to see her... Before meeting her in college, I didn’t give a shit to my dressing and how the hell others comment on that. But after meeting her I got to know that there are many girls who think that I am a rowdy!! As I am always serious and wore jeans made them think like that. She always commented on my dressing and explained the horrific feeling others have on me!!
The worst investment I have made in my life is taking a cable connection. After I met her, I have never switched on my TV. That is true and for the last 2 years I am paying Rs150 as a charity for the goodwill of my cable operator’s family!!!
In between she introduced her friend, Aparna to me. They were very close from the first day of their college life. So whenever I talked to her, the shadow always stares at me, I mean her friend as they were always together… Then i was determined to tell my feelings to her. I tried to message her but didn’t have the guts to face consequences after that. So that message was saved in my drafts waiting for me to be a Man!!
I came to realise that I was missing her badly when she had to go for a vacation to her native place. I was waiting for her message or call… I was passing my days as fast as it can so that I can meet her soon. Then I understood the fact about Time that it maximises the minutes we are waiting and minimise the hours we are enjoying. Those were some of the hardest days of my life!!! Soon the days passed and the waiting was over.
She came back and the moment I heard her voice … I don’t know how to express my feelings…I needed a hug but my situation did not apply to it. From the way I talked and cared for her, she started doubting me, if I had something more than friendship in my mind… One night I had to accept that I was in love with her…she was shocked and asked me
“Why the hell I didn’t tell her before and I misused the freedom she gave to me”
I didn’t have an answer but before I could tell anything, she banged the phone. That day I couldn’t sleep, I was feeling guilty, not for loving her, but the way I told “I LOVE HER”…
The next few days she totally ignored me and I didn’t get a chance to explain myself… Those days were cursed days for me!! Few days later, I called her up and tried to explain. She was patient to hear me. That day we talked till 4am. I tried to convince her but she was reluctant due to her family situations and since her dad was a bit tough. As we both were from the same caste I didn’t find anything wrong in this relationship. And finally I convinced her.
The next day morning she asked her friend to tell me that she is afraid and it is better not to talk about it again. In the mean time I had a brotherly relationship with her friend and we were close. And I told her friend what I felt and I won’t call her and disturb again. I was in my friend’s home studying as I had exams the next day.
At 12:30, I got a call from her. I was surprised to see that. I picked the call
“Hello yup how are you?? What made you call me??”
She answered that she had to tell me something and asked if I’m free
“Yes I am free. Tell me…”
“My friend told what you felt and I am sorry if I hurt you. To be true, I never want to miss you and I like you”
“I don’t understand whatever you are trying to tell and can you make it clear??”
In a shy tone she answered
“I love you”
Hearing that my phone fell from my hands and I shouted
“I love you”
That was one of the happiest moments in my life. And i wanted to see her.
“Can I come to college to meet you???”
“No I can’t come out of my hostel and we will meet tomorrow after exam”
That day I was in an excited state and actually I couldn’t study well. I was waiting for the day to get over…
The next morning I searched her before going for the exams. I wanted to see her. She came opposite to me and I felt it filmy. Corridor, lots of students, background music and I smiled at her… That day I completed my exams soon and came out. Waited for her to complete the exam. At last there she came but we both couldn’t talk well…
Watching her, face to face was a bit hard at that time…
That was the end of the exams and we had the semester holidays for the next few weeks…she had to go to her native place after few days. I asked her to stay a few days more. But she had no other choice, she had to vacate hostel as all her roommates are leaving… The next few days we talked tons and the day came when she had to leave…
In between as I told, I had a brotherly relationship with Aparna (her friend) and we were close. And I shared everything with her and she did the same. In between my talks with her, she once told that she had a feeling that my close friend, Vinay had something more than friendship with her. He often gives her some clues, it seemed. She told she can never accept that and it’s meaningless to talk about it. One day he told me that he had a crush on her and he is serious about it. As he is my close friend I supported him. I didn’t find anything wrong in it and even I talked about it to her. But she always said that that is not gonna happen…
This was happening for past few weeks and the talks were going on. I heard both of their opinions about it. I often told Aparna that if there is any change in her decision, she can tell me and I will support their relationship…
One day Vinay and I went to a friend’s home. From there I had a talk with my other friend. I got shocking news from there that Aparna and Vinay were in a relationship for the past few weeks and that they were hiding it from me. I was dumbstruck, I felt I was cheated or fooled…I was very close to both of them but they hid this from me…I couldn’t talk to anyone… I felt as if that place was isolated and left to my native place that night…
I didn’t pick any calls for the next few days, I know I should have given them a chance to explain but I couldn’t. None of their reasons entered my head… they had their own reasons may be right or wrong… Their reasons may be correct but I just couldn’t digest that situation. And there broke the relationship between me and her…… But I still have that question in my head …Why?????
That was an experience I never had and the days I am trying to forget…
Soon the days went and she came back. I was longing to talk to her…I wanted to share it to someone. I shared everything to her and was a bit relieved…
Few days later, during our routine calls,
“Hey, how are you??” I asked.
“I’m fine… Listen, I have something serious to talk about.”
“I talked to my Dad about our relationship and he was furious. I’m really afraid whether our relationship can last? And can we stop everything before it gets more serious…….”
(THE STORY ISN'T FINISHED YET,ITS JUST THE BEGINNING)